Such a fun surprise!

Can I just say I LOVE surprises? When someone takes the time to plan something to bring you sheer delight, it's a treasured moment for me. On the other hand, I also LOVE surprising people I love. It's so fun to plan something just right for someone to show how much you care.

I think the top three best surprises in my life have been when 1) a couple close friends in OK threw a surprise birthday for me because I'd never had one before, plus they pulled it off really well, 2) when Mikey proposed to me on our first trip to Oklahoma together...SO had no clue (I was actually nervous he was going to break up with me after meeting my family-haha), and 3) my most recent surprise is the week we came home from the hospital.

So we had Kaiden on Monday and came home Wednesday afternoon. That evening we were all settled in by nine o'clockish. I was sleeping in the recliner because of my stitches, and it was easier being there to get up to feed Kaiden rather than trying to roll out of my bed. Just as we had turned the lights out and got comfy, Mikey gets a phone call, and I hear him giving directions to someone about where we live. Hmm...

Then Mikey walks into the living room, and I ask who it was. He only tells me I have a visitor. Hmm..again. Who in the world would come visit me at 9 at night, knowing I just had a baby?? I asked him who it was, and he simply said it was someone that I hadn't seen in a while. I still no clue. So, he walks outside to make sure whoever was coming was headed to the right apartment. He left the door open as he walked out and a few moments later, sure enough my best girlfriend Deb, from Oklahoma, walks through my doorway! It was seriously like a
time-standing still moment. I couldn't believe she had come.

My response? I BURST into SOBBING tears (never my typical reaction-thank you hormones)that she had driven all day because she didn't want me to be alone (as far as someone I'm really close to) because my family couldn't come for the baby being born. What kind of awesome friend is that? She knew Mikey's family was here, but that it would be different not having someone on my side of the family here to share in the moments and help out. I got out of the recliner (I would have run if I could've) and hugged her like no tomorrow! She also brought our dear friend Tabitha to help her drive the 12 hrs straight through.

The funny part is that while we were in the hospital, she had text me the day before that she felt like jumping in the car and coming to see us. She couldn't stand not being there. As always, I said, "Well, get to jumpin'!". We always joke about me coming over ( 12 hr drive included) for dinner in Oklahoma, or her coming over to my house in Durango for coffee. So it was my usual response when she text me, but little did I know she was seriously doing it!

Thank you Deb and Tab for coming all that way just to be with us those first several days home. We didn't have to entertain, and you were so enjoyable with your company, laughs, and love! It meant the world to me! Love you guys!

(In all the excitement, we didn't get to take pictures of her visit, but this is from May at the baby shower my OK crew threw for us.)

Mrs. cranky pants

Yep, that's me the past two days. I seem to be quite the cranky person the past couple days. I think I still need to learn that everyone has a bad day now and then, and that's ok. However, most of the time I feel bad to have a bad day, but I'm thinking if I write some of my thoughts out, I'll realize what's wrong or that it's not so bad. We'll see. Here are some "maybes" I've come up with as to why I'm so aggravated and frustrated...

maybe... it's because of this crick in my neck, good grief how much it hurts

maybe... it's because of very unnerving dreams I had Saturday night, making me wake up Sunday on the wrong side of the bed and very upset

maybe... it's because we overslept going to church Sunday and I was looking forward to going but we did catch up on much needed rest now having a newborn, and that is a good thing

maybe... it's the last of these wretched post partum hormones that make my emotions a wreck

maybe... it's not being able to be with people much. As much of a quiet person who loves to be productive in getting things done, I'm SUCH a people person. Quality time is my love language and when I don't get that with people I love and enjoy, it starts getting to me. Friends are busy with their own lives, and it's seriously a mo-fo to try to plan getting together. Plus, lots of people are sick this time of year, which I'm trying to avoid being around with so young of a little guy

maybe... it's because I'm feeling with frustrations with my parents. I'm so different and have much different perspectives and thinking than they do. Where do I fit in? Where do I fit in with my husband's family? It's like who I am is in the middle of two very different extremes, so I feel I don't fit either way

maybe... it's because I still can't fit into my pre-prego jeans and we don't have extra shopping money to go buy new ones because I haven't been working the past 6 weeks. The flip side of that is that I did get the ok from my midwife to start exercising...a very good thing!

maybe...it's because I need to give myself more grace. I'm think I'm very disappointed in myself for not being much fun to be around. At least that's how I feel. I miss goofing off and not worrying this much what people think. It's like this mothering instinct has taken over to where I worry a lot more and am so tired that a lot of things get to me quickly. The worst thing to me someone could say about me is that I'm not fun to be around, and if that's how I feel about myself at the moment, that makes me sad.

On the other hand, life isn't bad at all. There are lots of good things I can and should think about instead!

*I have a wonderful healthy, new son, who is cuddly and sweet and have a MOST helpful husband

*When I go back to work next week, it's only 3 days a week til 12:30 in the afternoon PLUS we have a very trusting friend who'll come over to watch Kaiden on the days Mikey is on shift and can't watch him.

* Our bills are paid, though there's not fun/extra money until I get a few paychecks ,and we haven't fallen behind on any payments with me not working

*My husband's job has awesome insurance where we only pay 20% of delivery/newborn care and we don't have a monthly premium to pay. Thank you DFRA!

*I got to go on a walk with a dear friend today, who even brought me homemade icecream-mint chocolate chip for that, my favorite.

* I have another girlfriend who is taking the time to come visit in two weeks because she can't wait til March to see our new son

* We have our cozy apartment to settle in for the winter, fireplace and hot chocolate stocked.

* I get to do something I love for my job, that is teaching and being with my middle schoolers! I'm blessed to teach in a Christian environment where there's freedom to encourage kids in their walk with God and see their character, not just academics developed.

* The holidays are on their way! Grandma Krupa is coming for Thanksgiving (she's so fun) and my brother and sister-in-law come the week after Christmas! Plus, we LOVE Christmas time and how fun it will be to start our own family traditions with our sweet Kaiden here now.

* I have a wonderful nanny and pa who take time to show their love and care so much for Mikey, Kaiden, and I. They email/call often, send the best home-made cookies, and love anytime they can.

So maybe "journaling" this has helped today. I feel lighter thinking on and writing about the good things but also being able to be HONEST about other things I struggle with. As everyone is, I'm a work in progress. Thank you God for your grace!

Back in action!

So I'm attempting to blog again in hopes to now remember all the moments, stories, and thoughts now being a mom and watching our family grow and change! I have to admit I LOVE to buy journals, very trendy modern ones for that; however, I never make it past the first week in journaling my thoughts. It's been this way for years! I think I've finally come to grips with the fact that I'm a TERRIBLE journal er. So, here's to blogging...my other option because I could print my blog over the year as a cute book and THAT could count as my journal!

Mikey and I are now proud parents of our son Kaiden Michael! He was born Monday, September 7 at 2:49 pm. He's now 5 weeks old two days ago. I can't believe how much he's growing! We absolutely LOVE being parents, despite how tired we are. I honestly never thought I'd enjoy being a mom this much, and my hubby is the BOMB at helping with everything. It's so hard to believe how much love we both have for him!

He was quite the little guy being 6lb 8 oz when he was born. I don't think people are used to seeing a smaller baby because I usually get tons of comments on how little he is! He is a VERY snugly and mostly content little boy. He usually sleeps and eats well and has lots of funny expressions. He is a very strong boy. Every since we brought him home from the hospital, he's been trying to hold his head up. When he gets excited or mad, his little body is quite strong with how tense he gets. We aren't quite sure who he looks the most like. At different moments, he looks like both Mike and I when we were babies . Some people say so far he has Mike's nose and my lips. We both were pretty bald as babies, so I'm quite impressed at how much hair (even though it's not much) he does have.

So the story of my labor was contractions started on Friday, Sept 4 about 20 minutes apart through the day and night til Sunday evening. I was soo glad to make it through teaching that day! I didn't want to scar middle school students I teach by poppin' out a baby in class, plus Mikey was on shift that Friday, and I was by myself at home that night, making us both super nervous :) ... Contractions continued til Sunday, and our midwife suggested Sunday we go to the hospital to get checked to see how far I was dilated. When we went I was a two, but I was 80% effaced. So at least something was happening! Come Sunday night, my contractions were hard and 10 minutes apart, and again Mikey was on shift. By eight that evening, I was in tears from being so uncomfortable and tired from being in pre-labor since Friday morning. So he came home that evening, and around 5 that Monday morning my contractions were 5 minutes apart. After a call to the midwife, that was our ok to head to the hospital!

When we got there they were able to give me some light pain med and, I was dilated to a 5 by nine that morning, which I could then get an epidural... thank God for that!! After the epi, I was able to get some rest which I hadn't been able to do since Friday. Come about one o'clock that afternoon, I was fully dilated and ready to push. They had given me petossin a few hours before that to speed my contractions back up. I was very comfortable compared to what I had been those few days before. So with Mikey, the midwife, and hospital nurse, I started pushing. It was very calm and going smoothly. I was actually looking forward to finally pushing little man out! After pushing for about half an hour, Amy (midwife) said his head wasn't dropping enough and a c-section MIGHT be a possibility but she wanted me to push a bit more and see. So I pushed another half hour and after checking again, my cervix was starting to swell (which could damage future baby Krupas), and his head still wasn't dropping. She said we could still try to push, but she felt things wouldn't change. So we trusted her advice and a
c-section it was.

Talk about a quick switch in thinking! The whole time a last several appointments, Kaiden's head had been down, so we hadn't considered a c-section as a possibility. Of course, we wanted to do what was in his best interest. His heartbeat was fine the whole time, so nothing was emergent. However, I was honestly terrified. I've NEVER liked doctors, needles, or much less a surgery! So after an hour delay (because of someone else needing an emergency c-section-which was a sad story), we were ready to roll. As they prep-ed me, Mikey was in a different room than the OR. I thought I was going to seriously break down I was so scared... the big lights, the thought of a spinal, and seeing the instruments was more than I could handle. The nurse was so sweet ( we have only good things to say about Mercy's birthing center staff!!) and just talked with me as I closed my eyes and let tears softly flow. As soon as the spinal kicked in and I was on the table ready, Mikey came in and was with me-thank God! I remember still feeling terrified I couldn't feel my legs but relieved because I couldn't feel them slicing me open :) When they pulled Kaiden out, and I heard his cry I remember thinking it was the sweetest little cry and more tears came, happy ones. I vaguely remember Mikey bringing Kaiden over to me to kiss him, and he went with the Kaiden and the nurse to the nursery while I went to post-op to recover, which felt like forever because I still hadn't been able to hold my baby boy!


So that's the beginning of our lives as parents! Everything ended up going smoothly in spite of a c-section. I got to spend time with Mike and Kaiden as soon as I got out of post-op, although I was still pretty groggy (photo below). Baby K latched on with b-feeding right away (no photo for that-ha!). More thoughts on that first week of Kaiden being here on another post. This has turned out to be quite lengthy, but I have a LOT to catch up on :)