Mrs. cranky pants

Yep, that's me the past two days. I seem to be quite the cranky person the past couple days. I think I still need to learn that everyone has a bad day now and then, and that's ok. However, most of the time I feel bad to have a bad day, but I'm thinking if I write some of my thoughts out, I'll realize what's wrong or that it's not so bad. We'll see. Here are some "maybes" I've come up with as to why I'm so aggravated and frustrated...

maybe... it's because of this crick in my neck, good grief how much it hurts

maybe... it's because of very unnerving dreams I had Saturday night, making me wake up Sunday on the wrong side of the bed and very upset

maybe... it's because we overslept going to church Sunday and I was looking forward to going but we did catch up on much needed rest now having a newborn, and that is a good thing

maybe... it's the last of these wretched post partum hormones that make my emotions a wreck

maybe... it's not being able to be with people much. As much of a quiet person who loves to be productive in getting things done, I'm SUCH a people person. Quality time is my love language and when I don't get that with people I love and enjoy, it starts getting to me. Friends are busy with their own lives, and it's seriously a mo-fo to try to plan getting together. Plus, lots of people are sick this time of year, which I'm trying to avoid being around with so young of a little guy

maybe... it's because I'm feeling with frustrations with my parents. I'm so different and have much different perspectives and thinking than they do. Where do I fit in? Where do I fit in with my husband's family? It's like who I am is in the middle of two very different extremes, so I feel I don't fit either way

maybe... it's because I still can't fit into my pre-prego jeans and we don't have extra shopping money to go buy new ones because I haven't been working the past 6 weeks. The flip side of that is that I did get the ok from my midwife to start exercising...a very good thing!

maybe...it's because I need to give myself more grace. I'm think I'm very disappointed in myself for not being much fun to be around. At least that's how I feel. I miss goofing off and not worrying this much what people think. It's like this mothering instinct has taken over to where I worry a lot more and am so tired that a lot of things get to me quickly. The worst thing to me someone could say about me is that I'm not fun to be around, and if that's how I feel about myself at the moment, that makes me sad.

On the other hand, life isn't bad at all. There are lots of good things I can and should think about instead!

*I have a wonderful healthy, new son, who is cuddly and sweet and have a MOST helpful husband

*When I go back to work next week, it's only 3 days a week til 12:30 in the afternoon PLUS we have a very trusting friend who'll come over to watch Kaiden on the days Mikey is on shift and can't watch him.

* Our bills are paid, though there's not fun/extra money until I get a few paychecks ,and we haven't fallen behind on any payments with me not working

*My husband's job has awesome insurance where we only pay 20% of delivery/newborn care and we don't have a monthly premium to pay. Thank you DFRA!

*I got to go on a walk with a dear friend today, who even brought me homemade icecream-mint chocolate chip for that, my favorite.

* I have another girlfriend who is taking the time to come visit in two weeks because she can't wait til March to see our new son

* We have our cozy apartment to settle in for the winter, fireplace and hot chocolate stocked.

* I get to do something I love for my job, that is teaching and being with my middle schoolers! I'm blessed to teach in a Christian environment where there's freedom to encourage kids in their walk with God and see their character, not just academics developed.

* The holidays are on their way! Grandma Krupa is coming for Thanksgiving (she's so fun) and my brother and sister-in-law come the week after Christmas! Plus, we LOVE Christmas time and how fun it will be to start our own family traditions with our sweet Kaiden here now.

* I have a wonderful nanny and pa who take time to show their love and care so much for Mikey, Kaiden, and I. They email/call often, send the best home-made cookies, and love anytime they can.

So maybe "journaling" this has helped today. I feel lighter thinking on and writing about the good things but also being able to be HONEST about other things I struggle with. As everyone is, I'm a work in progress. Thank you God for your grace!